TONGAN UPDATE 19 MAY 2008 BIG BOSOM WOMAN

Tongan Update, 19 May 2008, Big Bosom Women

Do you think it’s ok for missionaries to talk about big bosom women? I looked in the missionary handbook, and there didn’t seem to be anything mentioned about it. So I’ll tell you about our dinner at the Two Sisters Restaurant.

Elder and Sister Embley, a senior couple, are part of the Church Education Program. They provide instruction and programs for the Tongan teachers at the church schools to become certified as qualified teachers. Well, the Embleys have a senior couple that supervises them, the Smiths. The Smiths (names have been changed to protect the big bosom woman) are stationed in Hawaii and come to evaluate the happenings in Tonga about every six months.

Because the Smiths were our guests on the island this weekend, we seniors decided to do something extravagant and go out to dinner with them at an excellent Italian restaurant called Two Sisters. The Smiths and the Embleys decided to order the daily special which was crab pasta. So far, so good.

Now Sister Smith is a big lady…I mean like big everywhere…if you know what I mean. When she sat down at the table, she had to push her chair far back to allow for her ample bosom. (Is this getting x-rated?) When she ordered the crab pasta, she thought the crab would be in the pasta. Instead, the pasta was on one side of the plate, and a little pink creature with round red spots was on the other side. Its ten spindly legs were curled up under its body, and its little beady eyes starred blindly straight ahead. No problem, Sister Smith just had to get to the crab meat. She ripped off a leg and tried to pull the outer shell off of the crab. She couldn’t get the leg to cooperate and didn’t get much supplement out of it. She asked the waitress for some kind of tool to help her get to the meat and was rewarded with a pair of pruning shears (the kind used for gardening.) The scissors didn’t help much, and she kept dropping morsels of the crab onto her chest. As she proceeded to dissect the crab legs, more and more remains were landing “you know where.”

Sister Smith was laughing and talking not realizing that her “you know what” was covered with various parts of the dead crab. When she finally looked down and saw that her ample _______ was a banquet table covered with left over crab parts, she was a little embarrassed. But to make matters worse, her husband decided to help her become more presentable. He carefully started picking things off of her chest. My grossness! By then we couldn’t hide our laughter.

Moral of the story: If you’re a big bosom woman and order crab pasta in Tonga, get a bib.

(Man, I hope the President doesn’t see this email!)

‘Ofa ‘atu, Diane ( I don’t even dare sign Elder Thompson’s name)