Tongan Update, 26 April 2008, Let’s Party

Webster Dictionary defines the word party as “a social gathering for conversation, refreshment, entertainment, etc.” It doesn’t even mention anything about having fun. Aren’t parties supposed to be fun? You evaluate these three “parties,” and you determine if they hold true to Webster’s definition.

PARTY #1: slumber party

Transporting missionaries around the islands of Tonga is challenging. In order to conserve teaching-the-gospel time, transfers, releases, and the arrival of new missionaries all happen on the same day—kind of. On this special day (which occurs every six weeks), we have Elders and Sisters to retrieve from the international airport, the domestic airport,

the Vuna Wharf, and the Queen Salote Wharf. Then, all missionaries need to be shuffled by vans and cars around this island, Tongatapu, to their various assigned areas. It takes a master mind to figure the scheduling with all its complexities. It “ain’t” easy, and this transfer was a disaster! President McMurray and the APs tried to consider all of the possibilities of how the transfer timing could change, but they never suspected that the boat, Pulupaki,

would arrive NINE hours late—this boat, carrying about 20 missionaries, was scheduled to dock here at noon; instead it arrived at 9:00 at night! Many of the missionaries had been on the boat for over 18 hours.

Needless to say, connections for other flights and for other boats were missed. Many missionaries couldn’t hook up with their companions until the next day or two. What do you do with all these misplaced missionaries? They have to sleep someplace. So….SLUMBER PARTY AT THE MISSION OFFICE!

The Sisters had nice accommodations on bunk beds in our corner suite. We pulled out every mattress we could find and threw them onto the floor of the conference room on the Promenade Deck to make fine sleeping arrangements for the Elders—there were bodies everywhere.

You get the idea. Does this sound like a party?

PARTY #2: brunch

On the remote island of Nuiafo’ou two Elders were very hungry. All missionaries have to rely on members for food, but there are only 5 members of the Church on this island so there’s not a very big selection of offerings. There are no stores there either, but the Elders can go into the bush (the farmland) and hunt down or harvest their own food. For some reason breakfast, lunch, and dinner did not show up, and these poor servants of the Lord had nothing to eat. The next morning the 200+ pound Elders woke up ravishing. Food…they needed food. Where to go to find some was the problem. One of the Elders walked out onto the deck of their little mission house. As he was standing there stewing over his growling stomach, he heard a fluttering sound. To his amazement a chicken flew up and over the fence and flopped dead at his feet. Do you think these Elders partied?

(The Elders claim this is a true event as written in their key indicator reports to the President.)

PARTY #3: kava party

So you can judge fairly if this experience was a party as defined by Webster or not, you need to have some knowledge about kava parties. Kava is a brew concocted by the Tongans from the grounded roots of the kava plant. The tour book says: “there’s nothing quite like the first spicy slurps of kava from a coconut shell. Your tongue and lips feel numb, the body relaxes and your mind feels hazy. Kava’s denigrators (what does that mean?) liken it to dirty dishwashing water, but there’s no doubt that this murky, peppery liquid is a central part of social and cultural life in Tonga...a kava session can last from late afternoon until the early hours of the morning.” In other words, it’s like an all night beer party, but the participants sit in a circle and take turns drinking kava from a community bowl. Needless to say, the Church frowns upon this form of entertainment, and members of the Church who participate in them cannot get temple recommends.

Now that you have that information, let me continue on. Five of us senior missionaries were innocently having a quiet picnic at a spectacular cliff site overlooking the serene ocean

(called Stimpson Overlook after a wonderful senior missionary couple whom we miss dearly) when a young Tongan gentleman with bloodshot eyes sauntered over from his spot under the trees and asked with slurred speech if we would like to join his kava party.

We were somewhat taken back and amused that this guy would ask a bunch of old Mormon missionaries to participate with him in his mind-altering party. It was also obvious that the party had started long before we got the invitation to join it. Should we join this stoned out group? Oh my…choices, choices!

When we finished our picnic, we did go over and talk to the party goers. No “golden questions” were asked. These kids were already “high” out of their minds, and it looked more like a good old American beer party than a Tongan kava party. We just hoped the intoxicated kids could drive safely home. Some party!

There you have it. All you Webster-people, were they all parties or what?

‘Ofa ‘atu, John and Diane